How To Stop Holding a Grudge

Image by Hanna Kovalchuk from Pixabay

Figuring out how to stop holding a grudge is hard! To forgive someone who wronged you is definitely not an easy thing to do for may reasons. After all, what they did mattered. What they did, hurt.

Most of time we believe that we are over it and have moved on. But in reality, we usually hold a grudge against them, whether we do it consciously or unconsciously. What we don’t realize is that holding on to resentment only hurts us. We end up hurting ourselves the most over time. We might secretly wish pain on the other person, or feel feelings of anger welling up when we hear their name or, god forbid, have to see them.

There’s a saying, “holding on to resentment is like drinking poison and hoping the other person will die.” What that means is we hold on to anger for the other person, but the other person may not even remember we exist. Here we are filled with anger… but to what end? The anger causes our blood to boil, our blood pressure to raise, etc. But it only hurts ourselves. Our anger can cause can cause psychological problems, but it can also cause actual physical health problems. It is therefore essential to learn the act of forgiveness so you can stop holding a grudge.

Acknowledge the cause of the grudge.

To start with, try to find out the root cause of your grudge. You can only try to find a solution after you are aware of the problem. At times you may come to realize that you were just over reacting and holding a grudge over such a petty thing. Once you have seen the main problem you can then settle on a decision to push ahead from that point

Consider the positive side.

Everything in life has its positive and negative side. Instead of getting angry other the whole issue, try and take it as an invaluable lesson to you. Take in an important lesson or leave with a superior understanding that can assist you to let go of the issue and not despise the one who wronged you.

Put yourself into their shoes.

At times we may be quick at judging people when they do something bad to us but try fitting yourself into their shoes and you may get a better understanding of why they had to do what they did. This doesn’t legitimize their actions; however it will assist you to comprehend it. The better you understand their intentions, the easier you will find it to forgive them.

Share your thoughts with the other party.

A grudge could be as a result of just a small misunderstanding or by confronting the issue the wrong way. Without being biased clarify your feelings on the issue. At that point, choose if this is something you will chip away at in your own heart or by reaching the other individual to come up with a solution. Wait until you have calmed down and then confront the other party in a calm and non-judgmental way. You may choose to solve it among yourselves or try involving a third party. But regardless of the approach, this will help you to get rid of the tension built up in you allowing you to feel more relaxed.

Finally forgive them.

Obviously forgiveness does not imply that you will forget the whole incidence. It only means that you have accepted your disparities and acknowledged that we are all human who are prone to error. Forgiveness isn’t easy but it is worth it. It allows you to get rid of that burden off your heart therefore giving you peace.